Nine Years Later

Today is the ninth anniversary of my mom's death. The day she passed away I couldn't imagine what my life would be like nearly a decade later. Juliana was barely eight months old and Jason and I were scraping by somehow in our "charming" little apartment on Chicago's northwest side. I was finally getting into a good routine with the baby and really enjoying being a mom. I can remember that morning sitting at my dining room table while Juli napped. It was one of the first warm spring days of the year and I had the windows open as I sorted through the mail, paying bills. Mom had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks and they were trying to figure out what course of treatment to take next for her cancer but I had just seen her the day before and I really believed in my heart that she was going to get better. I remember sitting there next to the window and feeling the breeze flow through the room and I thought to myself, "Wow, life is really good."

Then I got the phone call.

Since then I have been very cautious about letting myself think, "Wow, life is really good." Of course, I KNOW that I have a good life. I am incredibly lucky. However, something about totally surrendering to that feeling and having that "perfect" moment is a little bit scary for me because I feel like the second I do it will all be taken away. I am GRATEFUL for what I have but very careful not to get too comfortable and start taking things for granted. Over the past year in particular, as I've started to develop new friendships in Milwaukee and begun to feel like I've found my place here I've been flirting with this feeling again.

When I was out running the other day I kept thinking about how amazed my mom would be if she could see what I am doing now. It's not that I was a couch potato when she was alive but even running a 5K was unthinkable for me back then so a full marathon? GET. OUT. She was always my biggest fan back when I was dancing in college and she came to see every last performance I was in, no matter how small it was. In fact, my very last show at Columbia College she wasn't feeling very well and called to say she wouldn't be making the drive in. I was ok with it but it turned out that she went back and forth about it all day- wondering if she had made the right decision- and then at the last minute ended up driving nearly two hours into Chicago to watch me perform. I think the piece I was in was about ten minutes long. However, it was my last performance before I left to have Juliana and she said she just wasn't sure if she'd ever get the chance to see me dance again. Turns out she was right. She wouldn't.

I'm not dancing on stage anymore but I know that my mom would be my biggest cheerleader at every race I run now. When I run the marathon in my hometown of Rockford, Illinois next month I'm going to picture her at the finish line and maybe for that one short moment I'll be able to close my eyes and think to myself, "Wow, life is really good."

Missing in Action.

Ah, yes. My poor little neglected personal blog. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, if you search the internet for me you'll find I have much to talk about- to the point that I'm probably a wee bit annoying. I've mostly been blogging like a madwoman over at my baby, Fit Milwaukee. I'm also trying to keep up with about a bajillion friends on Daily Mile (where I'm an "ambassador") while still squeezing in a little love for Milwaukee Moms. And if you haven't heard by now, I'm helping organize a little shindig called The Great Milwaukee Race. Basically, on June 19th Fit Milwaukee and Instep Running and Walking Centers are going to be putting on a ginormous scavenger hunt through downtown Milwaukee and the Lakefront area. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared. Four of us are planning everything- from the locations and clues to the challenges and puzzles the participants will be performing at each destination. We've got a ton of interest so far and a handful of teams have already signed up so I'm hoping we can pull off something FUN for everyone. If all goes well I'm looking forward to organizing more Fit Milwaukee events and expanding our empire. World domination folks. (Or at least semi-local.)

Oh, and I was on television again. What is up with that?

Hey Look! I Was on the TeeVee Again!

 


I never realized how funny those filler "action" shots are of people doing random stuff are until I had to do it myself. "What do you mean you want a shot of me hanging out and using my laptop?" Weird. Being interviewed was easy but having them film me reading a magazine in my kitchen was hard.

Also, I shall henceforth be referred to as Busy Mom of Two and Fitness Nut.

Innernet Birthday Love

*warm fuzzies*

One Day She Will Look Back On This and Laugh

...I hope?

Translation: "There are only 2 states in my Uranus. And there are 7 colonies. The 2 states are not named! And the Uranus that is mine has only the typewriter to write with. My Uranus."

Ava, age 6

I'm not sure why Uranus is using a typewriter. Take it up with her.

Running: It Does a Body Good

Today's theme on Daily Mile was before and after photos. Everyone was posting photos of themselves before and after they started running/working out. Ok, so technically I was 9 months pregnant in my before photo and I've never been that size normally but still- LOOK HOW HUGE I WAS! I had totally forgotten. The "after" photo is from before this morning's run. (Don't worry, I wore more clothes than this outside.) I've actually dropped 16 pounds since the beginning of December when I decided to start food journaling in addition to running and my average pace has improved immensely. Imagine running with two eight pound weights in your hands. I got to ditch those.

Goal.

While out on my snowy 8-mile run this morning one thought kept going through my head: Someday I will become an ultra-runner. I don't know necessarily when, but someday-hopefully in the near future- I WILL complete an ultra-marathon. I want to be that hardcore. And you know, I like to get what I want.


Carry on.