Thursday, September 6, 2012

Working on it.

Seasons are changing. Back to school's a-happening. Schedules are filling up with classes, projects and volunteer work (for both me and the girls) faster than I can update my calendar. I'm contemplating what I want to do with my time- or my life in general- this school year and OH YEAH, my second 50-miler is in less than ten days. I'm lamenting what I didn't get done this summer but at the same time I've already starting putting things on the calendar in 2013.

Hold. the. phone. What is it that drives us to be busy busy busy all the freaking time?

Many things I want to do. For real. Searching for new races always makes me feel like I'm downing a cocktail of pure giddy with a splash of steely determination. It puts me in a kind of HULKSMASH sort of mood. But one where the Hulk is bouncing around excitedly in a cute outfit.

On the flip side though, because I have the luxury to TRAIN for crazy-super-ultra-marathon events with a more flexible schedule (due to the fact that I'm a mom to kids who are pretty darn self-sufficient for the most part) I feel a little guilty when I want to be lazy. I know so many people who bust their asses every day and the last thing I want to do is be some kind of privileged, spoiled brat-lady. So instead I'm constantly trying to be productive- whether it's with volunteer work, housework, projects, family obligations...you name it. I mean, I got to go TO EUROPE this summer and then celebrate our anniversary with a boozy blowout hootenanny with all of our friends and family. The least I can do is keep on top of my regular to-do list without whining right?

But I'm whining whiner. Who admittedly could probably do with punch in the face, but other times maybe I do need to give myself a break.

There'a line I like to quote from a little 1990s Steve Martin movie called "Mixed Nuts." In on scene Adam Sandler's character plays a song on his ukulele and then trails off at the end, stating: "It's a work in progress. It may never be finished." 

That's me. I'm a work in progress. I may never be finished. And I need to be (more) ok with that.