Becoming: Part 1

It's been 6 months since I took the exam to become a personal trainer. Six months of highs and lows, trying to promote myself, dragging pounds and pounds of gear around from location to location, and oh yeah- trying my best to create ass-kicking, enjoyable workouts. People often ask me how my Little Engine that Could business is going. Here's what I'll say:

To quote Adam Sandler's character in the 1994 comedy "Mixed Nuts": It's a work in progress. It may never be finished. 

But seriously. It's been a real learning experience for me. I knew in the beginning that my biggest challenge was going to be marketing myself, and that has proven to be true. I enjoy training people- in groups and one-on-one. When I'm out running I construct workouts in my head and then I come home and test them out. I get excited over new gear I buy and spend hours in my back yard trying out new exercises. I do tons of research- reading fitness blogs and watching countless Youtube videos of other trainers, trying to learn all that I can.

For me this stuff is fun! And getting to share that knowledge with others is where is all comes together. The part I hate is the business side. (Which stinks, because I am a business and I ultimately want to be successful- on a small level, at least.)

All of my clients thus far have come to me either by social media or word-of-mouth. Luckily I have a great network of friends who have been very supportive of me, either by attending classes or saying nice things about me on the internet, and for this I am so SO grateful. Still I find myself having anxiety over getting enough people to attend a bootcamp and worrying about how it will look if I only have 2 people at a class.

Deep breaths. Baby steps. I am a work in progress.

A few weeks ago I met up with my friend Ambrose, who I trained under for over 2 years before deciding to take this step on my own. I expressed to him my frustration and worry over possibly having one person show up to what is advertised as a "group"  workout.  He proceeded to give me the greatest advice. He said something like:  "So what if you only have one person? You give that person the best, most awesome workout you possibly can- and that one person could become one of your biggest cheerleaders." 

He is right, and I have taken that advice to heart. Although I admit I will still probably always stress over the marketing side of this whole endeavor- I realize that I need to have patience. As well as persistence. So while I'm wishing I had more people at my classes, I still give 120% planning and executing every single workout- whether I have 2 people or 20 people. (Ha-like I've ever had 20 people!) I also have to keep in mind that this is a part-time gig for me. My #1 job is still my family. I'm not teaching classes to pay the bills or put food on the table. I'm doing this because I enjoy it and I think I have something to offer.

So with that in mind,  I will go forth and continue this work in progress. 

Rockford Marathon Feels

This may surprise you but I have feelings about the marathon I just ran. Mostly joyous (marathon number ten! woo!) and some conflicted (thwarted by poopy weather again! boo!) I do like to get lots of words out after running these things though so here it goes.

Marathon running is hard. EVERY time. No matter how fast or slow. It's effing hard.  (I know, I know. That's what she said.) But in all honestly, how can something be so humbling and inspiring and infuriating and uplifting all at the same time? This is the second year in a row I came to the starting line in Rockford PREPARED. I do my speedwork, I do my tempo runs, I cross train like a beast, I eat my vegetables, blah blah blah. I ran an "easy" 1:52 half a couple of weeks ago and felt amazing- not to mention the 1:44 I ran in the fall! I feel like I'm on top of my game running-wise right now. And yet... marathon smacks me in the face yet again. 

The first half of this race was spot on. With the exception of a too-fast first mile I was averaging an 8:45-8:50 pace and felt like I was just out for an easy run the whole time.  I hit 13.1 in 1:56- EXACTLY my race strategy- but something began to change in hour three of the race. 

Sun. Sunsunsunsun. Stupid sun. It crept up slowly, as in I didn't feel like I was slowing down but I started to see the pace on my Garmin inch down with every mile. 8:58, 9:03, 9:12. What. I passed mile 16 (where I had to start walking last year) and I noticed a lot of other runners were looking like they were in bad shape. I started to get that feeling where you just know that something isn't meant to happen. I was hanging in there because I wasn't ready to "let it go" but in my heart I just knew.

I'm not sure exactly when I started taking walk breaks. Mile 18? Somewhere around there. The second half of this race has a lot of slow climbing hills and with the temperature rising and my pace slowing this is what ran through my mind: I was already off pace for my 3:56 PR. Honestly I was pretty much off pace for even a sub-4. I had no "C" goal so I needed to decide what was important to me at this point.

I decided that it was more worth it to me to finish feeling GOOD. Like last year, there was no question about whether or not I could finish the distance. I simply opted to slow my pace, walk the hills and stop at all the water stops from that point on. Suffering to shave off a few minutes didn't seem important anymore. So I ran/walked some 11 minute miles. (And I grumped for a bit, I'm not going to lie.)  I chatted with some other runners who were also letting go of faster times. (Even the 4-hour pacer was walking! Whoa.) 

But then something happened. Around mile 22 we wound our way through a shaded bike path. Some clouds started to roll in and although at this point I wasn't going to be able to start running sub-9s again, I started to feel *better* overall. I started passing people who were walking again. I started smiling. When I finally turned the last corner before finish line I had a big stupid grin on my face because HOW COOL is this? The last .2 is all downhill across long bridge and it's one of my favorite things ever- this small little race in this weird little city that I'm from and I love it so much. I remember doing a little mini leap thing at one point and being really grateful that I didn't fall on my face. I saw my aunt and uncle waving like crazy and and I waved back like a goofball. It's amazing how quickly all the frustration and and pain gets washed away in those last seconds.

I ran a 4:13. I realize that is a time that a lot of people would absolutely love to run. I ran a 4:13 (hey, with a lot of walking even) and it was my TENTH marathon in less than four years! That's beyond anything I ever thought I would do when I first stepped on a treadmill. And I'm going to run a 3:55 someday. In fact, I'm going to run a 3:50 someday. Yeah, I said it.

I'll keep trying. I'm patient. 

Progression.

Three months ago I took (and passed!) the ACE personal trainer exam. It all began last fall when I sat down and thought long and hard about what I really enjoy doing on a regular basis- and how I could turn that into something bigger in my life. Unsurprisingly, I landed on health and fitness. (Pretty much a no-brainer, I know.) Over the past couple of years I've had many people ask me if I was interested in becoming a trainer and I always shied away from answering definitively. Why? Honestly, when it came down do it I was scared of letting people put their trust in me. I put so much trust into my own trainers as well as the instructors at every class I take- from bootcamp to yoga to dance.  I expect them to know what they are talking about and to guide me in the right direction. Thinking about other people trusting me to guide them in the right direction- or more importantly not in the WRONG direction- gave me a the heebies jeebies. I didn't want that kind of responsibility. Actually, I was afraid of it. 

So what changed? Aside from some soul searching I also reached out to a couple of my trainer friends for advice on what I should do.  My friend Amy was nice enough to act as a sounding board for me to bounce my fears and concerns off of and she gently guided me towards the realizing this:

I know way more than I give myself credit for. 

Everybody starts somewhere. I remember her asking me to name teachers and trainers that I admire and then she asked if they were instantly awesome from day one. Of course they weren't! This may seem like basic information but I realized that I was putting all kinds of unneeded pressure on myself by thinking I needed to be the greatest, most knowledgable trainer that ever existed or not be one at all. I may not have years of experience but I really DO know lot and there are people out there that I can help. From years of dancing and running and training I have learned an incredible amount about health and fitness that I sometimes forget not everybody knows. It comes as second nature to me now but because of this I forget to give myself credit. 

So here I am training. I'm teaching bootcamp classes and I have a couple of one-on-one clients but the most exciting thing is that I'm LEARNING. Every session I learn something new and I come away with more ideas for the following week. I had another friend tell me that everything would fall into place once I got out there and started training people and this couldn't be more true. The reading and the memorization and the test was important to an extent but taking that knowledge and applying it to real people is where the magic happens. I want to help people get stronger and faster and better and I want to see them do it with a smile on their face (ok, with the occasional grimace and some sweat thrown in.) But the moral of my story is that I was scared of something, I acknowledged that fear and proceded to conquer it with authority. And I think that is something special.

What are you scared of?

I am 35 today.

I rolled out of bed at 5:30AM today, my 35th birthday, looked in the bathroom mirror and actually found myself saying out loud, "Eh, not bad." 

There are certainly worse things in the world than not looking your best, but in the grand scheme of things it's a really good feeling to be happy with who you are- at any age.  Looking at my reflection this morning it wasn't even just about how I looked. Sure I've got an athletic figure, nice clear skin for the most part, and I've been having some pretty great hair days lately. But also I think about all the things I've accomplished in the past year, the steps I've taken towards being the grown up I've always wanted to be and I have to nod my head and say, "Not bad. In fact, pretty damn great."

Pretty Good Year.

Year End Recap. We meet again.

The one thing I can for sure say about 2012 is that time moves utterly too fast for my liking. Seriously. Cut that crap out, Time. I feel as if the last sixteen years of my life can be grouped into four bundles. For example, last year was surely 2009. And the year before that was 2005, followed by '01. And four years ago was definitely 1997. By this math, next year Juliana will be about to start her senior year of high school and the year after that Jason and I will be retired and living in the south of France.

Wait, really? Maybe this isn't so bad after all!


So what were this year's highlights? I honestly am having a real problem recalling anything that happened before the Epic Summer of 2012- the summer that included our European Vacation and the 15th Anniversary Night of Shenanigans and Debauchery. (This "problem" I speak of is not really a problem at all. I realize this. But here I go, giving it the old college try.)

Year of the 50K: 

The 50K emerged as my favorite distance to *not* race. I completed THREE of these suckers (as well as a 39.3 miler which I'm lumping in here.) What's great about these events is that I never worry about my pace or trying to beat a previous best. It's all about going the distance and enjoying the time out there- usually with friends, and especially if it's a trail run. Also, training for a 50K is pretty much like training for a marathon, without all the weird hype and pressure marathons tend to come packaged with. It's a nice change.

Dance Like You Mean It

If 2011 was the year that I allowed dance back into my life, then 2012 was the year I stopped being scared of where it might take me. Despite a hiatus over the summer (while I trained for my longest race of the year) I was pretty diligent with my weekly classes through the winter, spring and most recent fall sessions. I also took a couple of advanced level master classes in June- in which I didn't make a fool of myself! And I even managed to screw up the courage to audition for the Danceworks Performance Company. No, I wasn't the person selected, but I'm pretty sure I held my own and would do it again in a heartbeat. I might not even cry on the way home from all the overwhelming feels next time.

Missed Goals Aren't the End of the World

What did I just say about all the marathon having all kinds of weird hype and pressure? Case in point: I trained like mad to PR at the Rockford Marathon in May and then on race day it was approximately eleventy hundred degrees. By mile 18 I decided that a 3:55 marathon time was not worth severe dehydration or heatstroke and I started to walk. I finished 25 minutes after my goal time and I didn't die. The day was a win.  I tried again to at least run a sub-4 in October at the Haunted Hustle Marathon and the course ended up being a half mile long, leaving me to finish in 4:02 with 26.7 miles on my Garmin. This race burned me up a little more since I finished in front of the 4-hour pace group and still missed my time, but in the grand scheme of things- IT'S ONLY RUNNING. We're darn lucky to be able to run marathons in the first place, be it in 3:55, 4:25 or 8:25.

But Goals Achieved are Pretty Awesome Too: Deer Run PR, Half Marathon PR, 50 Mile Finish

Time for a few not-so-humble brags. I *did* run a PR in the 5K this year (21:57) as well as in the Half Marathon (1:44:40).  I also finished a 50-mile race all by myself. So if there was any question about my toughness... Bing bang boom.

OMG EUROPEAN VACATION

If I annoyed anyone with all our Europe trip photos on Facebook this summer, I apologize. Sort of. I mean, it was pretty amazing. Would you rather I be super ungrateful and ho-hum about traveling to London and Paris? I guess I could act like that but- LOOK! PICTURES!

15th Anniversary Party: Night of Shenanigans 

We didn't have a fancy wedding. Not wanting to be engaged for a year just to wait for an open reception hall, so we got hitched on a Sunday night and had our party in a church basement. And because we were a wee nineteen years old, the two of us toasted with some sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. For years  now I've wanted to throw a super fun anniversary party with all of our friends but it always seemed like it would be a) a lot of money and b) a lot of planning. This year, because Jason loves me (or something like that), we were able to throw a fantastic 15th anniversary shindig with family and friends, old and new. The photobooth from this event will live on forever. Also: whiskey cockails.


The Girls and Their Continued Awesomeness

I literally just had to step away from the computer for a minute before writing this one. I feel like I've accomplished some pretty incredible things in my life, but nothing compares to these two. They continuously amaze me with their ever-changing, dynamic personalities and fill me with Mama Bear Pride as I see them developing more CONFIDENCE in themselves with each passing year. At nine and twelve years old I realize the most challenging years are still in front of us but I know in my heart everything will be ok because they are simply amazing little people.


So, 2013. What do you hold? Obviously the race schedule on the side bar of this blog is quickly filling up already. I'm also looking forward to taking my love of fitness/movement/dance "to the streets" as I get my personal trainer certification and hopefully start teaching classes in the spring. And as always, I plan to eat all the food and travel all the travels that I can get my greedy paws on. 2013: Hit me with your best shot.

Po sez Happy New Yearz.

Ava Year Nine

Motivation

When it's suddenly 22 degrees outside and all I want to do is cocoon myself in a Snuggie and watch Law & Order SVU reruns instead of bundling up to go run 6 miles in the wind, or do sprints on the treadmill until my heart is beating out of my chest, or plow my way through another core strengthening workout-- I'll think about how I felt at this moment just a two months ago.

This feeling is what I'm always chasing.